Welcome to Holland!

Over the past several weeks, I have been attending an Alpha Course at my regular church where we have been exploring the meaning of life, Christianity and God.  This week, the penultimate week, we focussed on the question “Does God Heal Today?”  Now for those that are unaware, Alpha is a course for everybody Christian or not, believer or not and, therefore, poses many thought provoking questions about the existence of God and how He may exist for some of  us in today’s world.  I tell you what, we have some deep debates on a Monday night and a gourmet two-course meal!!!  It’s a great way to start the week!

Now this topic of healing really touched me today not because I am in any obvious physical pain or suffering but because I know from personal experience how God has shown up in my life both before and after becoming a Christian and the physical and emotional healing that I have experienced.  However, like all Christians, I am also human and often succumb to my ‘humaness’ in whatever form that takes and recently have not been looking after myself too well, both emotionally and physically (typical, physician heal thyself type scenario!).  Anyhow after listening to tonight’s talk and participating in the subsequent group discussion, I’ve really found some peace in being reminded that God (and it may not be God for you but another Higher Power whom you believe in) provides both his healing and his ‘physicians’ in many different forms and can often surprise you.

The following tale was told by this evening’s session leader and though it focusses on the challenge of raising a disabled child, it could really be applied to any kind of challenge that we are facing and has a wonderful sentiment which has certainly given me some comfort in trusting that things happen just the way they are supposed to.   However, the most comforting and reassuring learning that has come out of this session, for me, is that healing most often begins with acceptance.

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this……

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.

What I Learned from my Earrings!!!

Now this is a funny story – not necessarily “funny ha ha”, but more “funny -hmmmmm”.  Anyhow, not so long ago I fell in love with an absolutely gorgeous pair of earrings and they were an ideal match for several necklaces and pendants that I had already had so I did what any self respecting diva would do and bought them!  I don’t know if any one else does this but whenever I buy something that I love then I have to wear it at the first opportunity and with jewellery … well, I just wear it and wear it and wear it until my natural tendency for change and variety kicks in.

So as I’m still in the initial flushes with these particular earrings, I put them on yesterday morning – as usual – and went off on the school run (can I just add at this point that I did have on other items of clothing as well!).  After admiringly watching my 7yr old daughter walk up the school path with her friends, I was shunted back into reality with the dreaded words “Morning, love, hasn’t she grown up? … by the way did you know YOU’VE ONLY GOT ON ONE EARRING??!!!”  Nooooooooo it can’t be true!!

In spite of the frantic grabbing of my earring-less earlobe, on several occasions, just in case she had made a mistake (or even worse, it was her idea of a joke!) and the earring was in situe all along and also my slab by slab pavement search and the shimmy like shaking of my clothes, I had to accept that there was a possibility that I could have lost it!  Back in the car and again a laser like scan and search – nothing!  The driveway – nothing. Retraced my footsteps from bedroom to car, several times, and then finally another few quick grabs of the earlobe – still nothing!   I had to accept the awful truth – the ones you love always leave you!  Random I know, but that was the thought!  Amazing how in times of stress, some of those old beliefs start to resurface.

I did realise pretty quickly, however, that I couldn’t spend my entire day lamenting over a pair of earrings – no matter how nice they were – and also reminded myself that the ones you love don’t always leave you, sometimes circumstances mean that they have to go and in the long run it will be for the best so I just had to accept that they are no more and move on.  Maybe even buy a new pair! :0

Can you imagine how I felt when, some hours later, I took off my scarf (which I had already done several times during the day for one reason or another!) and there hanging onto one of the fringes was my beloved earring??  But, I was not gonna get too excited as I had to be sure so again back to the earlobe and – ouch!! I had forgotten that I had moved the other earring to the originally empty ear (due to hair styling!!) but it was true, the wayward earring was back!! And what was the automatic thought that popped into my head??  If it is truly yours, then it will come back.

Strange, I know but my experience with my earrings reminded me of what I advise my clients to do –  to be more trusting and to believe that I am exactly in the right place at the right time because what is for me, will not pass me by whether it be earrings, people or opportunities!

Inspired on International Women’s Inspiration Day? I should think so too!

Well today – Wed 18th November – is International Women’s Inspiration Day and if you can’t be inspired today then when can  you be???  I certainly was!

Went along to the 2009 Every Woman National Conference today and was totally blown away not only by the many lovely women that I met and the great workshops that I attended, but also by the organisation of it all!  It was such a phenomenal event and it was organised beautifully – especially that lunch!!!

Learned lots of new information about tekkie stuff today – hence the reinstatement of this blog!! – but was also reminded about some great things such as being bold and never being afraid to be myself and fly the flag for my business (not that I’ve ever had any real trouble in that department!).  However, the highlight for me was listening to Allegra McEvedy’s keynote speech – OMG, how entertaining and inspiring she was!!!  If ever there was an advert for being true to yourself and the success will find  you then she is definitely it!

All in all a fab – and very inspiring – day!!

We Do Not Walk Alone

Yet again have been reminded that I am truly not alone….

One night, a man dream that he walked along a shore

with the God of all things,  and as they walked

scenes from his life flashed across the sky above them.

Most of the time, he saw two sets of footprints in the sand for each scene,

but many times along the path there was only one set of footprints, often at the very

darkest and saddest times, and the man was greatly troubled.

He turned to the figure beside him and said, “I looked for you and tried to serve

you all my days.  I thought that you would care for me in return, yet

now I see that during the most difficult time of my life, I was alone.

I don’t understand why you would leave me when I needed you most.”

God replied, “My precious child, you are always in my heart,

and I would not desert you in your times of trial and difficulty.  When you saw

only one set of footprints in the sand, it was then that I carried you”

- Mary Stevenson -

Life….

This was a speech made by Pulitzer Prize-winning author, Anna Quindlen at the graduation ceremony of an American university where she was awarded an Honorary PhD. 

“I’m a novelist. My work is human nature. Real life is all I know. Don’t ever confuse the two, your life and your work. You will walk out of here this afternoon with only one thing that no one else has. There will be hundreds of people out there with your same degree: there will be thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living. But you will be the only person alive who has sole custody of your life. Your particular life. Your entire life. Not just your life at a desk or your life on a bus or in a car or at the computer. Not just the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just your bank accounts but also your soul.

People don’t talk about the soul very much anymore. It’s so much easier to write a resume than to craft a spirit. But a resume is cold comfort on a winter’s night, or when you’re sad, or broke, or lonely, or when you’ve received your test results and they’re not so good.

Here is my resume: I am a good mother to three children. I have tried never to let my work stand in the way of being a good parent. I no longer consider myself the centre of the universe. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh. I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried to make marriage vows mean what they say. I am a good friend to my friends and them to me. Without them, there would be nothing to say to you today, because I would be a cardboard cut out. But I call them on the phone and I meet them for lunch. I would be rotten, at best mediocre, at my job if those other things were not true.

You cannot be really first rate at your work if your work is all you are. So here’s what I wanted to tell you today: Get a life. A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger pay cheque, the larger house. Do you think you’d care so very much about those things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon or found a lump in your breast?

Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze at the seaside, a life in which you stop and watch how a red-tailed hawk circles over the water, or the way a baby scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a sweet with her thumb and first finger.

Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. Pick up the phone. Send an email. Write a letter. Get a life in which you are generous. And realize that life is the best thing ever, and that you have no business taking it for granted. Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it around. Take money you would have spent on beer and give it to charity. Work in a soup kitchen. Be a big brother or sister. All of you want to do well. But if you do not do good too, then doing well will never be enough.

It is so easy to waste our lives, our days, our hours, and our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the colour of our kids’ eyes, the way the melody in a symphony rises and falls and disappears and rises again.It is so easy to exist instead of to live.

I learned to live many years ago. I learned to love the journey, not the destination. I learned that it is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get. I learned to look at all the good in the world and try to give some of it back because I believed in it, completely and utterly. And I tried to do that, in part, by telling others what I had learned. By telling them this: Consider the lilies of the field. Look at the fuzz on a baby’s ear. Read in the back yard with the sun on your face.

Learn to be happy. And think of life as a terminal illness, because if you do, you will live it with joy and passion as it ought to be lived”.

Your Playing Small Does not Serve the World

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure
It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous
talented and fabulous?
Actually – who are you not to be?
You are a child of God

Your playing small does not serve the world
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won’t feel insecure around you
We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone
And as we let our own light shine we unconsciously give
other people the right to do the same
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others

WoW – What a Woman! Marianne Williamson

Now this is a woman that has got me through some tough times over the years!!!  Through her books and tapes, she has talked me down from many a ledge…She has such a depth and understanding of spirituality, faith and the human-ness of us all, especially women!  Marianne talks straight from the heart to the heart and I cherish that about her. 

I suppose one of her most well known pieces of work is the poem she wrote that Nelson Mandela used in his inaugual speech when he became President of South Africa – Your Playing Small Does not Serve the World (beauty in prose!).  Also A Course in Miracles is just as it says on the cover – a Course in Miracles.  Read it or listen to it and feel how you and your life changes…..miracles really do happen all the time, but how many times do we miss them because we haven’t been looking?

I didn’t see her the last time she was here but my cousin went along to her recital and surely was not disappointed.  I’ll be there the next time!   Check out her website for more info.

WoW – What a Woman! Debrena Jackson Gandy

 What can I say apart from I love this woman! Does it sound too much of a cliche to say that I owe my life to Debrena??  Well, even if it does – it’s still true!  It all started with Debrena Jackson Gandy!

I was introduced to her fab book Sacred Pampering Principles for African American Women, was totally blown away and have never looked back.  Prior to reading Debrena’s book I was a little adrift.  I had just got married, suffered a miscarriage and was feeling very ‘uncomfortable’ (let’s say!) in my work as a Sales & Marketing Manager – definitely a case of the “is there all there is” blues!!!   Self-development and empowerment were just tiny blips on my radar – not even recognisable really. Debrena’s book changed that and well….let’s just say that I have never looked back!  

According to my belief system, God always makes a way and I have been fortunate enough to have met Debrena several times now and count her as a friend and mentor.  Debrena, honey, I thank you (again! ) from the depth of my soul…xxx

A Beginners Guide to African American Women on Tour

(first published in 2000) © Gayle M Edwards, not to be used or reproduced in any way without author’s permission

 

From March until September in America a yearly event takes place, weaving itself through Oakland, Orlando, New York, Chicago, Atlanta and finally climaxing in Los Angeles, leaving in its wake passionate and enlightened African American women eager to take up their rightful, God intended position within the Universe.

Black women have worn many labels throughout the years and worn each of them with pride and dignity, even though some have not been worthy of our disdain much less our pride.  Well, we can now add a few more to the list – “bold, bodacious and succulent”.  These were the words used by Debrena Jackson Gandy, the opening keynote speaker at the New York stopover of the recent 10^th Annual African American Women on Tour Conference, when honouring her sisters in attendance.

As her words echoed throughout the large conference room of the Crowne Plaza Hotel in White Plains which, incidentally, was elegantly transformed into an Afrocentric Business Centre for the weekend, it dawned on each and every one of us that our time is NOW!!  We are, indeed, bold, bodacious and succulent women with unique talents, wisdom, courage, strength and, of course, our indomitable spirit and intimate relationship with our Creator – with such gifts we can only succeed.  Even if we had wanted to, there was no going back now. AAWOT had already begun to change us and the impact on our lives, as we had known them previously, was going to be  phenomenal.

Make no mistake, however, this was not a holiday, there was a lot of work to do in a short space of time.  Yet, there was not a woman amongst us who did not successfully rise to the challenge.  We attended workshops in which we faced our fears, gave voice to our past hurts and innermost dreams, cried over our pain and made plans for our business and personal futures but, most importantly we learnt how to say “NO”,  a simple word yet, for many of us, a huge task gladly undertaken within the supportive environment of AAWOT.

Each day, the feasts provided during the Keynote Speaker Luncheon more than satisfied our physical hunger.   Yet, we craved and devoured the sweetness of the spiritual and humorous nuggets served up by Jewel Diamond Taylor, the internationally renowned Self Esteem Dr and AAWOT Mistress of Ceremonies.  Her unique mastery of words not only entertained us but clothed us in the necessary armour so that we would forever “Stay in the Light” and be able to boldly say “Kiss my positive attitude” to those still firmly in the dark. 

Keynote Speakers Dr Bertice Berry PhD – Comedienne/Author/Talk Show Host – and Phyllis Yvonne Stickney – Actress/Ebonics Expert – followed Jewel’s lead as they ensured that we pondered over our community responsibilities, sought out personal joy and continued to give thanks to our Creator long after the side splitting laughter had died down.

Phyllis Yvonne Stickney, with her pain over having lost two children, provided the perfect introduction to the Young People’s Rites of Passage Ceremony as she now basked in the joy and glory of being just like the rest of us, a Community Mother.

From the moment, the young women aged from 12 to 18 entered the room in their traditional African robes, sashaying to the addictive  beats of  the tabla drum, we were putty in their hands.  In between wiping the tears from our eyes, we heard them pay homage to their parents and Elder Emily Diane Gunther, their weekend Spiritual Teacher. They spoke articulately of the effect the weekend had on each of them whilst we watched mesmerised, and proud, as their many talents shone in the form of poetry, music and dance.

The more restrained amongst us knew immediately they were fighting a losing battle when the young men arrived on stage.  In between the open cries of sobbing, we were treated to the beautiful sight of approximately 10  strong, young black men standing proud whilst the eldest amongst them spoke first of his reluctance to attend such an event when he could be out “kickin’ it” but then of his renewed responsibility to educate his “boyz on the corner”.  Our future has never looked so bright.

This event, as you would expect, is largely attended by Americans, however, this year there was a definite UK presence as for the first time AAWOT enlisted the help of a UK Representative, Reaching Out Development Services, to help get their message across to the UK and the
Caribbean.  Jackee Holder, an established UK motivational speaker/Author presented her popular Soul Purpose workshop to an eager audience and re-ignited their smouldering dreams and passions.

This was not the first time that a UK contingent had attended AAWOT, however, it was the first organised attendance and we made sure that our presence was well and truly felt.  It was a wonderfully uplifting and momentous experience. Each of the 12 of us who  attended are in agreement that yes, our American Sistahs have got it going on but this is not a forum exclusive to African Americans, us as UK citizens and our Caribbean Sistahs have also got it going on and whilst we set about staging our own Conference, we can be secure in the knowledge that there is a welcoming place for us just across the water.                                

Now that we are home and putting our lessons into practice let us not forget the words of Jewel Diamond Taylor……

“The main thing is to keep THE MAIN THING,  the main thing!”

WoW – What a Woman! Maria Dowd

Maria Dowd is surely one of those women that make you go … WoW!!!  Hence she is featured in my Women of the World section as one of my main inspirations. 

 I was very fortunate to meet Maria a few times back in 2000/2001 when I attended her African American Women on Tour Conference as part of the UK contingent that attended that year – what a blast we had!  However, for a full review of the Conference check out my article “A Beginners Guide to African American Women” in the Empowerment & Inspiration section.

Take a look around Maria’s website to gain more of an insight into her work and how she continues to encourage us to move beyond our limitations and retain our beauty and grace in the process.